I dont wanna sleep
it brings me dreams
it gives me hope
it keeps me alive
then rips my heart
and eats it with pride
How do you feel
when dreams are shattered
not once, not twice
but many times
and each time it shatters
there is a consolation
that something good will happen
to keep me alive
then rip my heart
and eat it with pride
Now it brings me fear
that everything is a lie
and asks me to die
"you dont have a heart
the all that was there
it has been taken"
"Now you are useless
a piece of crap"
I dont wanna sleep
it brings me dreams
I saw a dream
that made me scream
i wore a crown
friends were cheering
everyone was praising
a stone came at them
a stone went from them
they started a fight
they needed a king
who was cunning
so they threw me away
and burnt me alive
i cried and cried
noone was there
to take my sorrow
to save my heart
from ripping apart
i dont wanna dream
i dont wanna sleep
But i slept sound
sound as a mountain
without any fear
without any tears
and i learned nothing.
had another dream
they came in my life
made me alive
taught me how to love
the people you like
but we had a gap
they never showed
i walked towards them
and fell into the ditch
i laughed, i cried
had nothing to do
the dream was shattered
not once not twice
but many times
Now nor do i fear
niether i cry
i learnt from my tears
the things that are together
are not always happy
but those that are away
may have a reason to smile
a moment of pride
a reason to live
i dont wanna sleep
i dont wanna dream
that shows me things
that are not real
but makes me feel
that somethings are mine
though for a moment
it keeps me alive
yet rips my heart
and eats it with pride
P.S. May subject to change
Showing posts with label Emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emotions. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Hmmm..
"I love you!"i was a little shy,
"So what" came back the reply.
"Boys make you cry,
So i dont wanna try".
"But i wont" i tried to say,
"You cant help it" she cut my way.
Two minutes of silence
"We have met only once".
"How can i love you"
"Haan i still like you".
"You are a good friend"
"So will help you have another girlfriend".
As if It was a consolation
For showing my desperation.
Ya, I was a little desperate,
though realized just too late,
but by the time i wrote my fate.
"So what" came back the reply.
"Boys make you cry,
So i dont wanna try".
"But i wont" i tried to say,
"You cant help it" she cut my way.
Two minutes of silence
"We have met only once".
"How can i love you"
"Haan i still like you".
"You are a good friend"
"So will help you have another girlfriend".
As if It was a consolation
For showing my desperation.
Ya, I was a little desperate,
though realized just too late,
but by the time i wrote my fate.
Monday, March 16, 2009
kabhi khushi kabhi gham
The started off with a smile, though couldn't sleep well last night but still was completely fresh. The dreams have been weird, thoughts completely absurd but meaning full. The whole night i was thinking about that one thing that made me happy throughout my school days especially the +1 +2 days. Stealing samosas , that kanche waali botal, that beatings we used to give to each other (though i rarely got the chance to beat anyone), trying to look into our pockets for a single rupee to give to the angry bus conductor, who might throw away anytime from the bus no matter how large in number we were. 10 people trying to hold on one burger, and finally rushing "i got it! i got it". Those were the memories that i will never forget. Everybody of us used to have enough money to buy a samosa for himself or a soda bottle but it dint tasted until we snatch it from the others. That proud feeling of stealing and snatching made those days hard to forget.
It was 7. A mosquito kissed my cheeks and then i was fully awake. "I have to be ready by 11" i thought and then tried to sleep again. "Go get an hair cut" said my parents, together(one thing they are in harmony with). Finally at 8 i stood up from my bed and then after having breakfast i went to the barber shop. As usual he asked a lot of weird questions about my lovely hair and gave suggestions to improve them further. I was getting ready for a meeting with a friend, for which i have been waiting so long. 11'O' clock i was ready. The meeting was 40 km away from my house so i reached the venue at 12. I had lot going on in my mind for the meeting, one thing i was waiting for. I was more than happy at that moment of time.
" I will be coming in 10 mins" she said. My heart pounded heavily, "Do i look good?" I thought. "Where is the wash room?" i asked the guard to keep a look on myself. I wet my hairs, though i know whatever i do i can't look good but hope in me was still alive. And as i saw her coming from the door of the gate and saw her bright, smiling face, i thanked god for bringing me here. I was completely astonished to see her beauty, she was the most beautiful girl i ever saw. "Ab chale" she said, i dint knew whether i went near to her or she came towards me, but whatever happened, it happened for the good. To keep my feelings to myself, i tried to ignore her as she would be the last girl i would be interested in. We then went to a restaurant and chatted, ate a platter of fruits, out of which my worst fruit was hers favourite. My inner self said to chat a little longer but then not to look despo i just asked her to go out to see some girls.
I never knew coming out will cause me such a trouble, i just wanted to have an ice-cream and a little chat but finally we decided mutually to have a pizza which i dint like at all(But who came for the pizza!!). Then we finally decided to leave as it was getting late for both of us. And further adding to my follishness i dint even thanked her for the treat and neither complemented her, which in general cases has to be done. Anyways the day was memorable, i would like to thank her for that, and i dint look at any other girl.
Finally i reached hostel, and i knew the results for GATE have been declared and i had 0% chance in qualifying. So i was least interested in knowing the results."Oye macha di sabne" said a cheerful friend. I was like "maine kaise". "tujhe chhor kar. you are NOT QUALIFIED" he added. And at that moment, i dint know what to do, cry since my heart wanted me to do, or just take it as if nothing has happened. (Nothing matters is just a way of consoling yourself) I chose the second option, i don't know why but it kept the atmosphere cool. I finally thought that i have conquered my fears of showing of my feelings, i tried to keep it to myself for as long as possible. I was crying within, not for being disqualified but for everybody was happy around me and i was not able to adapt to that happiness. "Don't talk about it" I wanted to say, but dint want to remove the happiness from the atmosphere. "Tera kya raha" a friend asked. "Kya hona tha mera, luck nai chala is baar " i tried to laugh (dont know whether the attempt was successful or not), but i surely cried within. I couldn't look into their eyes, so that they may not see my watery eyes. I wanted to talk to someone, but couldn't find anyone. I know tomorrow everyone will forget everything, since the minors are coming and it would be easier for me to escape. I know i have let many people down, and am sorry to them.
I can't keep my feelings to myself :x
It was 7. A mosquito kissed my cheeks and then i was fully awake. "I have to be ready by 11" i thought and then tried to sleep again. "Go get an hair cut" said my parents, together(one thing they are in harmony with). Finally at 8 i stood up from my bed and then after having breakfast i went to the barber shop. As usual he asked a lot of weird questions about my lovely hair and gave suggestions to improve them further. I was getting ready for a meeting with a friend, for which i have been waiting so long. 11'O' clock i was ready. The meeting was 40 km away from my house so i reached the venue at 12. I had lot going on in my mind for the meeting, one thing i was waiting for. I was more than happy at that moment of time.
" I will be coming in 10 mins" she said. My heart pounded heavily, "Do i look good?" I thought. "Where is the wash room?" i asked the guard to keep a look on myself. I wet my hairs, though i know whatever i do i can't look good but hope in me was still alive. And as i saw her coming from the door of the gate and saw her bright, smiling face, i thanked god for bringing me here. I was completely astonished to see her beauty, she was the most beautiful girl i ever saw. "Ab chale" she said, i dint knew whether i went near to her or she came towards me, but whatever happened, it happened for the good. To keep my feelings to myself, i tried to ignore her as she would be the last girl i would be interested in. We then went to a restaurant and chatted, ate a platter of fruits, out of which my worst fruit was hers favourite. My inner self said to chat a little longer but then not to look despo i just asked her to go out to see some girls.
I never knew coming out will cause me such a trouble, i just wanted to have an ice-cream and a little chat but finally we decided mutually to have a pizza which i dint like at all(But who came for the pizza!!). Then we finally decided to leave as it was getting late for both of us. And further adding to my follishness i dint even thanked her for the treat and neither complemented her, which in general cases has to be done. Anyways the day was memorable, i would like to thank her for that, and i dint look at any other girl.
Finally i reached hostel, and i knew the results for GATE have been declared and i had 0% chance in qualifying. So i was least interested in knowing the results."Oye macha di sabne" said a cheerful friend. I was like "maine kaise". "tujhe chhor kar. you are NOT QUALIFIED" he added. And at that moment, i dint know what to do, cry since my heart wanted me to do, or just take it as if nothing has happened. (Nothing matters is just a way of consoling yourself) I chose the second option, i don't know why but it kept the atmosphere cool. I finally thought that i have conquered my fears of showing of my feelings, i tried to keep it to myself for as long as possible. I was crying within, not for being disqualified but for everybody was happy around me and i was not able to adapt to that happiness. "Don't talk about it" I wanted to say, but dint want to remove the happiness from the atmosphere. "Tera kya raha" a friend asked. "Kya hona tha mera, luck nai chala is baar " i tried to laugh (dont know whether the attempt was successful or not), but i surely cried within. I couldn't look into their eyes, so that they may not see my watery eyes. I wanted to talk to someone, but couldn't find anyone. I know tomorrow everyone will forget everything, since the minors are coming and it would be easier for me to escape. I know i have let many people down, and am sorry to them.
I can't keep my feelings to myself :x
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Let's get started
Though not too long ago i deleted this blog, but after reading a few blogs, i felt it was too outrageous for me to delete it. actually i got sick of writing about myself, talking about myself as somebody just told me i am very poor at talking, so this time trying to put my emotions in the backseat. I don't know whether i will be able to fulfill my promise but this time the blog will be censored and will have less crap than the earlier twos. And just a word for everyone out there i m still single.
recently i have been starting reading newspapers which i think don't do any good to anybody's life, especially to me since i don't give a damn to whatever happens in the outside world. My world comprises of only me, my friends and my family. As long as i am with them, i don't need the support of anybody else. Though some take it as my laziness or stupidity (tu/aap pagal hai/ho) whatever, but seriously i don't mind it a little bit. Since that is the way i have lived my entire life knowing nothing about my surroundings. Ok, I am stupid but i would like to ask all others "how it affects my world if Obama becomes the president of the US". Since these things don' affect my life now why should i care about them. Ok back to the topic, I have started reading newspaper simply because everybody does so and talks about it, and at times i feel little deprived of the conversation that they have.
Many of you might be feeling a little deprived of knowing my personal story or you may say my relationship with somebody but the sentence that "i m single" says it all. It was just a rumour that was flowing across the hostel. So all those waiting for the treat, have to wait a little longer.
and regarding this years poltu, I won't be remotely connected to it, not even eavesdropping as some might love to do :P
My Resolution for the year 2009
1. Spend Less (No Ice-Creams, only on special occasions)
2. Eat Mess Food as much as I can ( I eat on Mondays, Sundays, Wednesdays and Thursdays)
3. Have a CGPA of 7.00 (least important and unlikely to happen)
4. Go out on a trip with family and friends (will be completed by the 2nd minors)
5. No Comments at people (hard to do but will try)
6. STOP being a cry-baby (None of you know that)
7. Qualify GATE (impossible now)
8. Talking sensibly and ONLY WHEN NEEDED
9. Keeping things to myself
recently i have been starting reading newspapers which i think don't do any good to anybody's life, especially to me since i don't give a damn to whatever happens in the outside world. My world comprises of only me, my friends and my family. As long as i am with them, i don't need the support of anybody else. Though some take it as my laziness or stupidity (tu/aap pagal hai/ho) whatever, but seriously i don't mind it a little bit. Since that is the way i have lived my entire life knowing nothing about my surroundings. Ok, I am stupid but i would like to ask all others "how it affects my world if Obama becomes the president of the US". Since these things don' affect my life now why should i care about them. Ok back to the topic, I have started reading newspaper simply because everybody does so and talks about it, and at times i feel little deprived of the conversation that they have.
Many of you might be feeling a little deprived of knowing my personal story or you may say my relationship with somebody but the sentence that "i m single" says it all. It was just a rumour that was flowing across the hostel. So all those waiting for the treat, have to wait a little longer.
and regarding this years poltu, I won't be remotely connected to it, not even eavesdropping as some might love to do :P
My Resolution for the year 2009
1. Spend Less (No Ice-Creams, only on special occasions)
2. Eat Mess Food as much as I can ( I eat on Mondays, Sundays, Wednesdays and Thursdays)
3. Have a CGPA of 7.00 (least important and unlikely to happen)
4. Go out on a trip with family and friends (will be completed by the 2nd minors)
5. No Comments at people (hard to do but will try)
6. STOP being a cry-baby (None of you know that)
7. Qualify GATE (impossible now)
8. Talking sensibly and ONLY WHEN NEEDED
9. Keeping things to myself
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