An Introduction

Sitting on a toilet seat, wiping my tears
trying to realize where I was wrong,
looked here and there but couldn’t find
the ones I love, the ones I care.

“Tell me about your friends” a voice I heard
I raised my face, I was surprised
Someone was standing, in front of me
His face was covered, but he looked like me

I wiped my tears, talked for an hour,
described everyone with great detail,
thought of good times, forgot I was crying,
his face turned furious, but he kept his cool.

“Tell me about your brothers, your mother your father”
Another question popped, ”they all love me” I just smiled
Started with my mother, then my twin brothers, and finally
Ended with my father, I wanted to say a lot but the words were few

“What’s all this going to do with you?” now this time I asked
“Nothing” he said, “I don’t care what you think of others
Just tell me about me and I will go”
All my chattering went into silence.

I was amazed, I was shocked
The figure just laughed and disappeared
Puzzled my thinking, making me wonder
Who am I? who am I?

Sitting on a toilet seat wiping my tears
I realized what I was doing all these years
Searching for happiness, searching for fame
I hurt myself, made myself lame.
Everything was there, but I didn’t had the vision
As if my actions were governed by the Satan

Dreams

I dont wanna sleep
it brings me dreams
it gives me hope
it keeps me alive
then rips my heart
and eats it with pride

How do you feel
when dreams are shattered
not once, not twice
but many times
and each time it shatters
there is a consolation
that something good will happen
to keep me alive
then rip my heart
and eat it with pride

Now it brings me fear
that everything is a lie
and asks me to die
"you dont have a heart
the all that was there
it has been taken"
"Now you are useless
a piece of crap"
I dont wanna sleep
it brings me dreams

I saw a dream
that made me scream
i wore a crown
friends were cheering
everyone was praising
a stone came at them
a stone went from them
they started a fight
they needed a king
who was cunning
so they threw me away
and burnt me alive
i cried and cried
noone was there
to take my sorrow
to save my heart
from ripping apart
i dont wanna dream
i dont wanna sleep

But i slept sound
sound as a mountain
without any fear
without any tears
and i learned nothing.
had another dream
they came in my life
made me alive
taught me how to love
the people you like
but we had a gap
they never showed
i walked towards them
and fell into the ditch
i laughed, i cried
had nothing to do
the dream was shattered
not once not twice
but many times


Now nor do i fear
niether i cry
i learnt from my tears
the things that are together
are not always happy
but those that are away
may have a reason to smile
a moment of pride
a reason to live

i dont wanna sleep
i dont wanna dream
that shows me things
that are not real
but makes me feel
that somethings are mine
though for a moment
it keeps me alive
yet rips my heart
and eats it with pride


P.S. May subject to change

Hmmm..

"I love you!"i was a little shy,
"So what" came back the reply.
"Boys make you cry,
So i dont wanna try".
"But i wont" i tried to say,
"You cant help it" she cut my way.

Two minutes of silence
"We have met only once".
"How can i love you"
"Haan i still like you".
"You are a good friend"
"So will help you have another girlfriend".

As if It was a consolation
For showing my desperation.
Ya, I was a little desperate,
though realized just too late,
but by the time i wrote my fate.

kabhi khushi kabhi gham

The started off with a smile, though couldn't sleep well last night but still was completely fresh. The dreams have been weird, thoughts completely absurd but meaning full. The whole night i was thinking about that one thing that made me happy throughout my school days especially the +1 +2 days. Stealing samosas , that kanche waali botal, that beatings we used to give to each other (though i rarely got the chance to beat anyone), trying to look into our pockets for a single rupee to give to the angry bus conductor, who might throw away anytime from the bus no matter how large in number we were. 10 people trying to hold on one burger, and finally rushing "i got it! i got it". Those were the memories that i will never forget. Everybody of us used to have enough money to buy a samosa for himself or a soda bottle but it dint tasted until we snatch it from the others. That proud feeling of stealing and snatching made those days hard to forget.

It was 7. A mosquito kissed my cheeks and then i was fully awake. "I have to be ready by 11" i thought and then tried to sleep again. "Go get an hair cut" said my parents, together(one thing they are in harmony with). Finally at 8 i stood up from my bed and then after having breakfast i went to the barber shop. As usual he asked a lot of weird questions about my lovely hair and gave suggestions to improve them further. I was getting ready for a meeting with a friend, for which i have been waiting so long. 11'O' clock i was ready. The meeting was 40 km away from my house so i reached the venue at 12. I had lot going on in my mind for the meeting, one thing i was waiting for. I was more than happy at that moment of time.

" I will be coming in 10 mins" she said. My heart pounded heavily, "Do i look good?" I thought. "Where is the wash room?" i asked the guard to keep a look on myself. I wet my hairs, though i know whatever i do i can't look good but hope in me was still alive. And as i saw her coming from the door of the gate and saw her bright, smiling face, i thanked god for bringing me here. I was completely astonished to see her beauty, she was the most beautiful girl i ever saw. "Ab chale" she said, i dint knew whether i went near to her or she came towards me, but whatever happened, it happened for the good. To keep my feelings to myself, i tried to ignore her as she would be the last girl i would be interested in. We then went to a restaurant and chatted, ate a platter of fruits, out of which my worst fruit was hers favourite. My inner self said to chat a little longer but then not to look despo i just asked her to go out to see some girls.

I never knew coming out will cause me such a trouble, i just wanted to have an ice-cream and a little chat but finally we decided mutually to have a pizza which i dint like at all(But who came for the pizza!!). Then we finally decided to leave as it was getting late for both of us. And further adding to my follishness i dint even thanked her for the treat and neither complemented her, which in general cases has to be done. Anyways the day was memorable, i would like to thank her for that, and i dint look at any other girl.

Finally i reached hostel, and i knew the results for GATE have been declared and i had 0% chance in qualifying. So i was least interested in knowing the results."Oye macha di sabne" said a cheerful friend. I was like "maine kaise". "tujhe chhor kar. you are NOT QUALIFIED" he added. And at that moment, i dint know what to do, cry since my heart wanted me to do, or just take it as if nothing has happened. (Nothing matters is just a way of consoling yourself) I chose the second option, i don't know why but it kept the atmosphere cool. I finally thought that i have conquered my fears of showing of my feelings, i tried to keep it to myself for as long as possible. I was crying within, not for being disqualified but for everybody was happy around me and i was not able to adapt to that happiness. "Don't talk about it" I wanted to say, but dint want to remove the happiness from the atmosphere. "Tera kya raha" a friend asked. "Kya hona tha mera, luck nai chala is baar " i tried to laugh (dont know whether the attempt was successful or not), but i surely cried within. I couldn't look into their eyes, so that they may not see my watery eyes. I wanted to talk to someone, but couldn't find anyone. I know tomorrow everyone will forget everything, since the minors are coming and it would be easier for me to escape. I know i have let many people down, and am sorry to them.

I can't keep my feelings to myself :x

A Day At Home

12:00 in the noon. I just wake up, saw mom's angry face, and trying to butter her up

Me: Mom, Good morning

Mom: huh, naashta padha hai nahan kar kha liyo

Me: abi bhook nai hai

Mom (again that angry look): to so ja fir :-X

Me: acha fresh ho lu, fir khata hu (I can't say more than that)

1:00 pm in the afternoon. i lying on my bed, mom comes and as usual i am scolded again

Mom: kuch kaam kar le, acha nahan le 5 din ho gaye ab to (ohh i forgot to tell you i don't i believe in bathing regularly, it's just a waste of water and my precious tym)

Me: abi to utha hu, araam karne do

Mom: bhaad me ja (gives me a glare and goes away to do her work)

2:00 pm . tired of lying on the bed, had my breakfast, had nothing to do go to sleep again

7:00 pm dad comes and i am still sleeping

Dad: oye uthna nai hai

Mom(she intevenes and protects me from waking) : sone do thaka hua hai (sarcastic though, but i take it in my favor)

8:00 pm finally i am awake and fresh(finally :P).

Dad(sarcatically): uth gaye nawab sahab. aata hi kyun hai ghar, hostel me hi padha raha kar

Me (silent, nothing to say, try to be asleep): mummy, papa dekho tang kar rahe hai (that works always)

Mom(scolds dad. lolz): thaka hua hai, itna padhta hai wahan par, sone do ise (ya i study a lot there, just ask my friends)

Me: mom bhook lag rahi hai

Mom(as always): aja mere beta,(finally i am served food for which i come home)

my purpose of coming home is fulfilled, now open up bhai's laptop to either watch a movie or chat with friends till 10.

smsing starts at 10 and continues either one of us sleeps or gets bored.

12:00 pm in the night.

Good night :-)

now going to sleep.

Top 10 movies

This is a compilation of my top 10 movies. It was very hard to compile the list since i like every movie i see until i have an expectation from it as was the case of RNBJ and Dev-D, though i liked the later but it will never reach the list of my all time favorites..

1. Life is Beautiful

The movie is about a lover, who can do anything to get the love of his life, a father who will go to any limits to protect his son from the hands of the Nazis. The story tells about the misery of the Jews during the world war II, but is completely different from the rest of the other holocaust movies (The Reader, The Pianist etc). It's a fiction but fills in a great level of optimism in to you. The way the story has been narrated is awesome, in few times you see that a movie which has every emotions shown to the extremes, but told with such beauty that makes you feel the two hours you spent are worth for it. Hats off to the director, the actors especially Joshua and his father. I saw it when i was at lowest point in my life till now and taught me that you can't have the lowest point in your life and that is the beauty of it. seriously Life is Beautiful.. Isn't it? ask yourselves...

2. The Braveheart

The movie tells you the story of a war hero, the war against exploitation, war against the poverty, war for Freedom for his country.. a true freedom fighter since you can't have the freedom always by non-violence.. It teaches how a non-violent man, William Wallace leads the entire scottish community to fight against the british, the true hero of scotland though while the knights of the scotland fighting against each other for the power, he led the people to fight for their freedom. The movie is 3 hours in length but you won't get bore until the casting appears.
Gladiator, King Arthur, Troy are similar movies with the same intensity as this, so watch them also

3. Shawshank Redemption

"you die the day your dreams die". The hopes, the dreams of a man in the prison and a great friendship with the inmates keeps him alive in the situations where most crumble. The movie might look like a normal movie at first but wait till the end and it will leave you speechless.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0111161/ says it all. The only movie of its kind

4. The Dark Knight

Hats off to Heath Ledger!! The movie was incomplete without the Joker, never ever i have felt that a character can change the entire movie.. though others were good too but it was the Joker who made movie watching worthwhile. The Oscars are due for the actor.. though i was little surprised that the movie dint make it to the Oscars, but who am i to comment on it.. the best movie of 2008.

5. Cinderella Man

The story of a boxer who completely involves you into his life. A story of a fighter trying to prove his mettle against all odds, to come from nothing and achieving everything, regaining his lost fame. A biography told to perfection!!

6. A Beautiful Mind

The movie is about a mathematician who has schizophrenia, and ends up in a mental asylum, though he fights back. The movie is very close to me as it brought me the world of holywood, the first english movie i saw, though at that time i understood only a part of it actually the concept only but i loved it when i saw it again. Russel Crowe is awesome.

7. Remember The Titans

It's Not another story of blacks vs white. its a laugh at those racists who still believe that theirs a superior race for they are white. The movie is about a school rugby team which have this fight of black and white which becomes more prominent when a black is chosen as their coach leaving behind the favorite coach of the team. Its a story how he reunites the team and leads them to conquer other teams until... The rest is history. If you like this movie also see Glory Road.

8. Hotel Rwanda

It will surely make you cry. The real story of a hotel manager who tries to save the people of tutsi tribe in the great civilian war that took place in early 90' s in Rwanda. The Hutu tribe is hunting for all the tutsi people (the same happened in hindu muslim riots), raping women killing children, hunting innocent people, but then comes a man who provides refuge to a group of tutsi people against odds, the UN comes and goes. The scenes where the cruelty on the tutsi tribe is shown moves you apart, a well documented story with a great acting leaves you to do nothing but appreciate it.

9. The Butterfly Effect

One of the two sci-fi movies (the other one is eternal sunshine of spotless mind) that i liked. The film deals with time travel, going into the past to change your present. Though I liked the movie a lot but i would seriously warn ,those who don't believe in time-travel and like only some sort of drama and emotions in a movie, not to watch it. For everybody else a must watch :)

10. 50 first Dates


Ever went on a First Date with the same woman 50 times.. Can you love somone who is surely to forget you the next day you will meet her. Strange it may sound but this is the theme of the movie. See the movie yourself to have the feel of true love.

Let's get started

Though not too long ago i deleted this blog, but after reading a few blogs, i felt it was too outrageous for me to delete it. actually i got sick of writing about myself, talking about myself as somebody just told me i am very poor at talking, so this time trying to put my emotions in the backseat. I don't know whether i will be able to fulfill my promise but this time the blog will be censored and will have less crap than the earlier twos. And just a word for everyone out there i m still single.

recently i have been starting reading newspapers which i think don't do any good to anybody's life, especially to me since i don't give a damn to whatever happens in the outside world. My world comprises of only me, my friends and my family. As long as i am with them, i don't need the support of anybody else. Though some take it as my laziness or stupidity (tu/aap pagal hai/ho) whatever, but seriously i don't mind it a little bit. Since that is the way i have lived my entire life knowing nothing about my surroundings. Ok, I am stupid but i would like to ask all others "how it affects my world if Obama becomes the president of the US". Since these things don' affect my life now why should i care about them. Ok back to the topic, I have started reading newspaper simply because everybody does so and talks about it, and at times i feel little deprived of the conversation that they have.

Many of you might be feeling a little deprived of knowing my personal story or you may say my relationship with somebody but the sentence that "i m single" says it all. It was just a rumour that was flowing across the hostel. So all those waiting for the treat, have to wait a little longer.

and regarding this years poltu, I won't be remotely connected to it, not even eavesdropping as some might love to do :P

My Resolution for the year 2009

1. Spend Less (No Ice-Creams, only on special occasions)
2. Eat Mess Food as much as I can ( I eat on Mondays, Sundays, Wednesdays and Thursdays)
3. Have a CGPA of 7.00 (least important and unlikely to happen)
4. Go out on a trip with family and friends (will be completed by the 2nd minors)
5. No Comments at people (hard to do but will try)
6. STOP being a cry-baby (None of you know that)
7. Qualify GATE (impossible now)
8. Talking sensibly and ONLY WHEN NEEDED
9. Keeping things to myself